Damn it. Another charge-back.

Terry Bennett ran a home-based mail order company selling a famous brand of spanners. Terry had worked for a major steelworking company before his company had been bought by a larger company who manufactured in China, and already had their own sales force. When Terry looked into the Chinese manufacturer, he came to agree that it was a pretty good decision. He found the spanners he was already selling being manufactured in China for cents on the dollar, compared to what they cost to make in Detroit.

So when Global Steel mangement emailed a redundancy offer, Terry took his filofax filled with contacts from 12 years selling precision toolware and, aged 41, formed a company of his own. He converted his garage into a warehouse, and stocked it the ceiling with ring spanners, open-ended spanners, combination wrenches and flare-nut wrenches in various combinations from 1/4″ to a full 1″ in diameter, the most popular sizes sold throughout the USA.

Business was good, but Terry soon learnt that while he was good at selling spanners, he wasn’t quite so skilled at managing the “business” side. Two things that got his goat in particular were greedy credit card companies, and the rampant taxation he only just realized he was subject to.

If a regular person notices a fraudulent charge on their credit card, and contacts their issuing bank, the bank will usually give the customer their money back. That’s very nice of the bank, but don’t think they’re left holding the bag: the bank takes the money they’re refunding back from the merchant. The merchant usually has no hope of regaining their sold goods, so have little choice but to “write off” this stock as stolen, or “spoilage” as his accountant had called it.

Even despite these semi-regular thefts, credit card companies took a small amount on every transaction. Then the IRS took his income tax. Then he filed state taxes, and quarterly reports. It seemed everybody wanted a piece of Terry’s success, and he could afford it - business was good - but mostly, he resented it. Perhaps it was this festering resentment that one day gave him an idea.

One morning in June, Terry found a page in his filofax of a mostly-avoided customer that always nickle-and-dimed him for the best deal. He calculated the price of his entire inventory at a little over forty thousand dollars, and charged it all to the customer. Terry breathed a sigh of relief as the American Express corporate card spat out an authorization slip. Now he just had to wait.

A couple of days later, forty thousand dollars appeared in his bank account. A few days later again, he received a registered letter from American Express that the charge was unauthorized, and would reverse it unless they received evidence to the contrary within 14 days. For 14 days, Terry did nothing, and the transaction was reversed.

A few clicks of the mouse in his accounting software and forty thousand dollars worth of stock was marked as spoilage. He would’ve had a heart attack if it was real. But it wasn’t, really … he still had the stock in his basement. Over the next few weeks he packaged it, and registered several ebay accounts to sell it. Forty thousand dollars worth of spanners is a lot, but the internet is a big place. In individual lots, he would easily clear them, selling below retail.

Three weeks, and a lot of hard work later, he had over thirty-five thousand dollars in his bank account. Terry smiled as he considered it. Thirty-five thousand dollars for forty thousand dollars worth of spanners didn’t sound like a good deal on the face of it, but Terry was pleased. It was stock he’d stolen from himself, with a perfect alibi … the same credit card fraud he’d been the victim of many times. If he’d sold his stock legitimately, at least forty percent would’ve been whittled away by the government, the bank, the IRS. He’d picked up thirty-five thousand dollars tax-free, and scored a nice deduction for his business through the spoilage account for his upcoming taxes.

Terry picked up the phone, and called China. He would need some more spanners.

Just some cool things from around the internet:

“There’s nothing more better for mine own mental health that the throwing of a great party.”
-Sigmund Freud
Freud loved nothing more than a get together with his friends. What if I told you there was a way to have a great dinner party without: cleaning your house, cooking a meal, cleaning your house afterward, or dealing with that awkward thing that happens when your friends cant take the hint that it’s time to go home. Would you believe me?
http://www.cockeyed.com/pranks/ikea_party/ikea01.shtml
My favourite quote:
Jason downplayed our real intent, but let the very nice man know that … we had chosen IKEA for the location because it was so much nicer that any of our own actual homes.

Also from cockeyed is a great story about the CFL (Compact Fluorescent Light) bandit. This rogue swaps non-energy efficient regular incandescent bulbs in public places for more effecient CFL bulbs. Isn’t that cool? An element of adventure AND conservationism.

I may be one of the last people in the world to discover skyrates, but I do love it. It’s an online, browser-based game where you become the captain of a plane, and fly around the various “skylands” buying goods where they are plentiful (and cheap) and selling them where they are rare (and expensive). Two aspects of the game really set it apart. First, it can take anywhere from 30 to 240 minutes to travel between the skylands, in real time. So rather than playing for large blocks of time during the day, you give your pilot his orders, close the game, and check back on his progress a later. It’s the perfect game to “play’ at work, as you need only visit the site for five or ten minutes, a few times a day. Second, the economy of the world is influenced by all the players. If diamonds are abundant (and thus inexpensive) on skyland X, you may rush over there to fill up your cargo hold; but if dozens or hundreds of concurrent players get there before you and buy in bulk, the gems might be rare (and thus pricey) by the time you arrive. It’s a clever way of introducing player interaction that doesn’t involve combat. Although you can dogfight if you want, but it’s more intensive than the trading.

Next time I’m back home, and in a group large enough, I’d love to have a crack at the group game Werewolf.  It’s fairly simple and could perhaps even be tested by a patient enough group over email? Let me know if you’re interested and we’ll try it. Using the email method, I will be “Moderator” and will randomly assign the roles and oversee things. It’ll be fun, and won’t be overly taxing - just a couple of emails a day, really. Let me know if you’re interested.

Last night, I enjoyed the spoils of ill-gotten goods. There’s an ezine here that has a competition to guess where a picture was taken. This week’s was obviously inside a gogo bar, but of course being the upright citizen that I am, had no idea, so didn’t even bother entering a guess. Last week Mint and I went for a walk, and while out, decided to go and eat at the mexican place, where I’ve previously won the jug of free margarita. I’ve actually been there a few times, because I get on reasonably well with the manager.

Anyway, whilst dining he asks me, “So did you guess the picture this week?” I said no, and that it was too hard. He’s obviously a dodgier bloke than he looks, because he instantly replied “It’s Angelwitch Pattaya. Normally by now i would’ve got an email that the prize is claimed but we haven’t had anything yet … try emailing and see if you get it.”

I took out my mobile phone right there and then, and emailed an entry. The next day I discovered that I’d won another free jug of margarita.

Last night, I enjoyed it, and the friendly manager came and shared a good whack of it, despite having to run off and take care of things a few times. It was a good night … I was merry, but not merry enough to sleep like the dead, so had a few early morning *gasps* and struggles to find water.

Also, this weeend, we went to the movies and saw Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. Oh … my … god. Lame. How it managed 7.6 out of 10 on IMDB I have no idea … actually I do: Nostalgia, and Spielberg/Lucas-fanboys can affect those scores pretty markedly. We spent some of the week’s food budget at Emporium, and then came home. I ate a wierd sounding but quite good “Ham and Egg Donut”.

So yeah. If you rely on email updates, you should probably know that I broke them, and only just fixed them.

These are the posts I made while emails were broked:

http://www.chuckler.org/blog/2008/05/23/hollywood-disappointments/

http://www.chuckler.org/blog/2008/05/20/american-breakfasts/

Peace!

I’m getting kinda disenfranchised with Hollywood.

You may recall, a while ago I read “The Devil Wears Prada” and enjoyed it. Then I saw the POS movie and thought “wtf?”.

Maybe a year ago I read “Bringing Down the House” and thought it was awesome. This week I saw the POS movie “21″ and thought “gay.”

I couldn’t believe that they turned it into such a boring, shallow, stupid and vapid movie. The book was excellent - I dunno who still has my copy - and I was stunned that such an interesting subject could turn into such a “typical” Hollywood piece of fluff.

While surfing IMDB forums to see if anyone else shared my POV, I came across a link to The Editing Room’s abridged script archive. It’s hilarious. This is my favourite snippet from 21’s script:

KEVIN SPACEY
You’re looking at the infamous MIT Blackjack Team.

JIM STURGESS
No I’m not. The MIT Blackjack Team was a whole bunch of male Asian kids. You’re a group of ethnically and sexually diverse students headed by two white kids.

KATE BOSWORTH
Welcome to Hollyood.

KEVIN SPACEY
Join our team as we count cards and make millions of dollars.

JIM STURGESS
No.
(pause)
Okay.

That’s gold, Jerry. Gold! Also reading the abridged script of “I am Legend” suggests that the movie may have been worse than the book. As such, I intend to check the book out.

Maybe I should base more of my reading on books that Hollywood decides to trash by dumbing it down for the mass media.

Many three to five-star hotels advertise an “American Breakfast”, usually as part of your room charge. It’s commonly a buffet-style setup which also includes Thai-type foods grouped in their own section.

Often, grouped with the “American” breakfast foods are the following:

• Grilled tomatoes
• Baked beans
• Hot dog frankfurters or Vienna sausages
• Salads (lettuce with all the veggie additions you can add, with assorted salad dressings)
• French fries (usually cold or lukewarm)
• etc.

Some online friends and I were recently discussing where these ideas of “American” breakfast foods came from, and I got some fantastic stories:

The other day, one of my western friends told me they were overjoyed to see “potato salad” on the menu at a smaller Isaan restaurant, and they ordered it so see how authentic it might be.

The result? French fries on a bed of shredded lettuce.

and my personal favourite:

Anyway, when I was there about 4 years ago, I noticed that many of the restaurants were offering identical American Breakfasts at identical prices. Usual stuff, bacon, sausages, ham and eggs. One place, though, broke this trend and offered baked beans. Intrigued, I thought I’d try these Lao baked beans that no other restaurant had. The result? Peanuts in ketchup!

Sounds delicious, non?

I’ve got my flights for Christmas 2008, folks. You know what they say … be prepared, plan ahead blah blah.

11-Dec-08 dep Bangkok 1320,  arr Brunei 1710 on BI516
12-Dec-08 dep Brunei 1115, arr Brisbane 1950 on BI071

28-Dec-08 dep Brisbane 1225, arr Brunei 1720 on BI072
29-Dec-08 dep Brunei 1045, arr Bangkok 1230 on BI515

Free hotel in Brunei each way, that’s a pretty sweet deal, I’ve never been to Brunei. It’s here by the way.

I can’t believe I’ve just noticed the new Lee Child book, Nothing to Lose, in the bookshops. I think the problem is that a lot of the titles sound the same, and a lot of the covers look the same, in design. So I think I’ve noticed it for a while now, and though, “oh that? I’ve read that.” But this one, I haven’t. Published as recently as March.

Which presents me with a conondrum … in all likelihood I will stay up all night reading it, so the conundrum’s moot in some ways … but if I can hold off reading it until, say, a fortnight from now, then I will have something to do on the bus to Cambodia for a visa run. Otherwise I may not, besides the stupid movies and stuff they show. Or I could buy the new Grisham book that’s still only available in hardcover. Hardcover’s so expensive! I wish it’d hurry up and get to paperback already.

The aircon situation needs a report, seeing as I whinged about it so conclusively last week. The current aircon status is “upgraded, but not finished.”  Now we have aircon back in the bedroom, which is a huge leap forward. We no longer have aircon in the lounge, though. Actually that’s a lie - we have aircon in one room at a time. Fixed this Tuesday, we’re assured, although I’m not sure how welcome Mint’s sister will feel when she arrives super early Tuesday morning if there’s no AC.

The “guest room” which can also be called our living/dining room now has a proper guest mattress. It’s quite nice, we broke it in last week when the air situation demanded we relocate. It’s lucky in a way that we’ve “pretested” the guest room airflow themaldynamics, because it made me sick being directly under the air. I should’ve asked for Leyton’s help building a super-ghetto cardboard-chiq aircon deflector, but he’s too far away to help anyway. I invented one of my own making the second night, and this was significantly better but not perfect. I think perfection will be achieved by swapping the bed and the dining table, and having the bed not actually in line of sight with the aircon at all. That will be the best for everyone, obviously.

Today for mother’s day I called Mum a couple of times before giving up and sending a text message, and gave her a gift card. It’s not technically Mother’s Day in Thailand, but I send Mint’s mum some money and made Mint breakfast anyway. For the longest time I didn’t bother cooking eggs sunny-side up for a combination of not thinking that they tasted as good as scrambled, and being scared that the bottom would burn before the top finished being raw and runny. I have no solved that and cook brilliant eggs. A quick trip downstairs to the 7-11 for eggs, ham, iced tea and pastries, and it was a great brekkie. Cheese would’ve been the icing on the cake, but I’m weaning myself on that front.

Yesterday Mint and I went to MBK for lunch, movies and shopping, and ate average Dim Sum, saw Deception and I bought shorts. Funny story that - I had received some quite trendy shorts as a gift but quickly learnt that Thailand does not tolerate fabrics that don’t breathe. I’m kinda loathe to wear these particular shorts but I had no choice on Saturday when everything else was dirty, or in the case of my jeans, now miles too big. So I wore them, pouting, until I remembered there was a reasonably good, cheap place to buy exactly the thing I wanted RIGHT WHERE WE WERE GOING! So I grabbed a pair as soon as we arrived, hit the changing room to try them on, and wore them out, with another 3 pairs in a bag, for 1000 baht (AU$30). They’re not super hi-quality or anything, but they’d be in the $12.95 range at somewhere like Lowes, so they’ll do as semi-disposables.

The movie - Deception - wasn’t bad until it became stupid at the end. Hugh Jackman is a cool guy, but he doesn’t look sharp in suits for some reason. Ewan McGregor was good, Michelle Williams was average and her part could’ve been played by someone hotter. I thought it was better than the 5.9 stars its averaged on its IMDB page. Mint didn’t like it, but she has an issue with a small man kicking her in the bladder whenever she fails to go to the toilet every hour, so that may’ve tainted her enjoyment.

Time for an update to the ol’ blogarino. It’s May Day in Queensland today, so most of my peeps are off work today, luxuriating in laziness. It’s a holiday today in Thailand too: Coronation day. Which is unfortunate.

You see, last night our air con stopped spitting out cold air. Which in Bangkok, in the hot season, officially “sucks”. It’s 36 degrees at the moment, and I’ve moved my computer and internet to the lounge room, working on the dining table, so I can get a cross breeze with the front and back doors open. Mint is currently still asleep in the over that we call our bedroom.

On Saturday I saw Iron Man at the cinema, which was great, and then met Mint at Robinsons to do some grocery shopping at Tops. Nothing particularly exciting, but mangosteens and rambutans are currently in season, and delicious. Oh, that reminds me: coffee in Thailand. Thai people universally like their coffee sweet and iced. For anyone wishing to recreate the experience, I have noted the recipe from the street vendor and report it here.

Take a glass mixing recepticle and add: 1tsp white sugar, 1tsp brown sugar, 1tsp artificial whiteneer, and 2tsp condensed milk. Add 200ml of hot coffee, stir vigorously. Take a large plastic cup, over-filled with small ice pieces to form a mound over the rim of the cup. Pour the hot coffee directly over the ice, and swirl some evaporated milk over the top. Voila. I think you can agree without even trying it that it’s pretty sweet.

The second alternative for Thais drinking coffee is sweet and hot. Not quite as sweet as the iced variety, but still pretty sweet. If you buy instant coffee (which is unfortunately turning into a habit) the most common variety is a “trio” pack: a packet of individual sachets with coffee, whitener and sugar premixed. This way, you get the recommended Thai level of sweetness to your hot coffee, and if you add some additional sugar, you could probably pour it over ice and enjoy it cold as well.

I read on an expat forum recently that someone was having trouble locating a breakfast cereal called “Grape Nuts” which is apparently common in the USA, particularly. Incidentally, grapes nor nuts have ever been ingredients in the cereal. I was interested enough in the Wikipedia page for Grape Nuts to vow that if I ever saw it, I would try it. At Villa supermarket, Soi 33, I saw a small box (453g) for 165 baht, and thought, “why not?”. So I bought it. It’s interesting: like a combination of eating rocks and all bran. It’s particularly touted as being good as a diet food because all the fibre fills you up. It certainly does, and you also have to chew each mouthful for a thousand years before you can swallow it. In short: Grape Nuts are an interesting experiment. Will I buy more? All signs point to “Maybe”.